Monday, January 26, 2015

Don't You, Ever, Get Too, Comfortable

I have no idea what this post should be about. My life is going well for the most part. This is the most optimistic I've been in I don't know how long; it feels great. Things are working out in ways I would have never imagined. It's amazing what a few basic changes can do to one's outlook and what happens to them. I mean, this month isn't even over and I need two hands to count the great things that have happened that will change my life forever! I am so thankful that I came to certain realizations about myself. One of those realizations being how I treat others. I don't mean the difference between being nice or mean to strangers, or acquaintances, or anything like that. I mean how you actually treat the people you claim you care about. You can try to act like you treat people well because you treat them better than those you don't know, but do you treat them better or worse than you used to?

I ask because reflection is so instrumental to growth. It's like in a relationship. You pulled out all the stops in the beginning stages. You communicated well, expressed exactly how you felt about that person, and put in a great deal of effort to "win" that person over. I mean, you wanted that person so you showed them that you actually wanted them! There's nothing wrong with that. The sense of proving your worthiness early on is really essential to show the person how serious you are. The same thought can be used for friendships. They are a little different, of course, because the growth of a friendship does occur in more relaxed terms. However, I think they happen to meet at the end point of getting comfortable. This is a tough thing to notice, internally. It's so easy to get comfortable and sometimes it's a good thing. It's like, at first, you watched what you said. You really made sure that the other person was the focus and you were cautious of their feelings and wants. You really were trying to prove that you were worthy of their time, energy, and attention. Over time, however, it's easy to get really comfortable. One may come to an internal realization that they proved themselves because they got what they sought out for; which is unfair to the other person. When this "realization" occurs, effort does become less consistent. It's often easier to let things just go, let the other person suffer a bit, or just be apathetic to things you once held as a priority.

Granted, over time you end up letting your guard down. It's easy to do so because you may feel that the other person just accepts you for who you are and you probably are right. But, there's a trick! Don't get too comfortable. Like, really. Don't. This is self-sabotage. I strongly implore you to remember the effort put forth early on. If you think about it, the one that the other person fell for didn't give minimal effort. That person wasn't so apathetic to their concerns. They fell for the one who was thoughtful, empathetic, zealous, enjoyable, and whatever other characteristics made them look forward to being in your presence. I know I've had this problem before. Granted, I can say that I, sometimes, was able to see when I got too comfortable with a situation and just wasn't the person I was in the beginning. I'm not saying you can't change or grow, I'm just saying, don't act as if that person is just in your life permanently. Don't think that they forgot how amazing you were in the beginning. We have to remain consistent! You keep a relationship that you put forth consistent effort. You keep a friend by maintaining the friendship. You keep a job not by doing worse than you did when you got hired, but better! You have to grow in whatever situation you're in. The end-goal is to be better than you were when you started. Give them a reason to keep you around, just as they should give you reasons. Think about it. Would you want to stay with a person you just feel is going downhill in terms of how they treat the relationship? Would you stay friends with someone who is acting less and less of a friend as time goes on? That's just unhealthy. There's no need to hold on to things like that-in my opinion. Some relationships work that way and shout out to them. But in my eyes, I think things should be on the up and up. Of course there are downs, but the greatest examples of growth come from some of the lowest points!

I can say that my friendships, and familial relationships, have improved soo much just by my effort going in the right direction! I've reached out to people, complimented people, or just listened to them. I was honest with people because I feel that's what they deserve. I got out-and-about to actually see them. I can see how much they appreciate it and these relationships I thought were dwindling, or even non-existent, have been revived. It's the best feeling in the world having people you care about return the favor. The same goes for family. That bond is unbreakable. That's a bond that should be embraced to the fullest. It isn't something to just look over because "they'll always be there".

That's it! This sense that a person will always be there is such a send off. You have family members that don't talk at all. You have once-best friends now worst enemies. No one is permanent. However, this idea that a person will always be there is a common thought in those getting comfortable. Just because someone is in love with you, doesn't give you the green light to lose steam and not give the necessary effort. Just like they fell in love, they can keep falling through the bottom right out. Yes that' your parent, but it doesn't mean they'll always be a parent to you if you treat them any less than what they deserve. We have to stop getting comfortable because that is self-sabotage. The only thing the other person did is positively respond to our positive efforts. You shouldn't repay a person's love with minimal effort.

I'm thankful for the people I have in my life and I really have been trying my best to show them the love and effort they deserve. They deserve my best because they love me and keep me in their lives. And sometimes I have to be okay with making the first large effort. It's okay to make the first step.

Thanks for reading

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