I Live the Life I Deserve

What are you doing with your life?

Really, I'm asking you this; whoever you are.

Whatever your answer, is it contributing to something worthwhile? Everything happens for a reason and it's up to us to find out what that reason is. We won't always know the answer, or even if there is an answer, but I feel it's always worth the attempt. Lately, I've been thinking about so many different things that all have to do with adult objectives: Career goals, marriage, housing, being 30, children, and retirement. Now, I'm only 23 and I know these aren't outlandish things to be thinking about at my age; especially when there are people my age and younger dealing with at least 3 of the things I listed. Yet and still, I find myself in some type of thought about these things each day. Everything I do is fueled with intent. I try to make sure there are no accidental steps in my path. Granted, there will be some unexpected turns, but you have to put your foot down in order to continue, and I make sure that step is as thought out as if it were all expected. I approach life with this mindset of being confident. Confidence positively affects so much it's unreal. With confidence, one can attempt to do more with themselves, appreciate themselves and their efforts, and even encourage others to make their own steps meaningful. This is the life I try to live! My confidence comes from my passion, and my passion comes from within.

When I think about what I want to do with my life, of course money comes to mind. I want to make sure I never have to really struggle or want for anything. Along with this thinking, I think about not wanting my future family to want for anything either; being as strong as a provider as I can be. I feel this thinking is so necessary in the present day because what I do now ultimately affects them-whoever they are. That means I have to make the right steps. I need to plan. I need to excel in my work. I need to get a Master's Degree, ASAP. I need to treat my current job as if it were the position I ultimately desire. I need to treat the world around me well because it will definitely return the favor. I'm a firm believer that all things are connected. I truly feel that I need to watch what I do because the effects could make all the difference in not only my life, but also those around me. I do what I need to do now and it doesn't feel like a hassle. It doesn't feel like a hassle because passion is driving my actions.

Passion is the piece. There's a huge difference between passion and ambition. I feel that there are a lot of ambitious people in our generation and that their driving factors may not be the most pure. Defined by Google, Passion is a strong and barely controllable emotion, while Ambition is a strong desire to do or to achieve something. I really look at these two definitions and I just know that ambition doesn't/shouldn't describe me. The most important words to me are "barely controllable emotion". Every fiber in your body is guiding your actions, thoughts, and intentions. You may have an end goal, but that doesn't mean you are looking to skip over the road in between. Passion likes the small stuff. Passion loves the path. That's not to say that it the path easy, but it definitely takes some of the tension off in my opinion. When that passion is driving you, the drive doesn't stop. That's why I feel passion is so important. It isn't about an achievement. It's about the it. What's your it? What gets you going? What makes you smile? What makes you stressed? What makes you think? What makes you want to make it better? What makes you appreciate the inner workings? What do you see the bigger picture of? What?

We all have a place in this world. Some people find their purpose sooner than others. Some people stumble into their passion after going through a lot for another end-goal. It's so hard to say when the thing you want to do is the thing you're really supposed to be doing. If you don't have your it yet, I implore you to do one thing: Do What You Love. It sounds corny, so I'll give a short explanation. Do what makes you happy. If you love the sciences, do something science related. If you love children, get into that field. If you love selling things, or making connections, and delivering a product- go into the business field. There's something out there for everyone; we just have to find it. For myself, I've always felt I was a business minded individual. I was set on this until I fell in love with health care. I knew I had to be involved in health care, I just knew it. Science wasn't for me, but that didn't mean I should just give up on the field all together. I found another way to my passion. I found a way to incorporate both business and health care by going into Health Administration. I'm headed to grad school for an MBA, and then after I'll look into Hospital Admin Fellowships/positions. This wasn't the way I envisioned it years ago, but I knew I needed to stay in health care; that's what I LOVE. I promise you, purpose provides pleasure. Once you live with purpose, life because so much sweeter the days go by and it's the best blur you've ever thought about. You see your actions affecting others and they appreciate you. You appreciate them. You appreciate you!

Be passionate

Two Months In...

After two months, I can say my life is completely different than what it was when I started this blog.

NO WHERE NEAR.

I love where my life is right now. I know how I got here, but I didn't plan it; that's the best part. Life really does happen. I'm not suggesting that we sit back and wait for it to happen, I'm just saying you should live life and trust the process. Acknowledge progress. Welcome change. Learn from what happens. Be patient, but also be proactive- you can do both.

My professional aspirations slowly come into fruition as each day passes, having taken on a new position within the hospital. My interpersonal relationships are better as I reach out to people and maintain strong friendships. I have meaningful interactions with my friends. Not being in school posed as a problem at first, but then I realized that it would just take more effort. It would take reaching out, meeting up, and showing love! It's amazing the amount of love you receive back. I strongly suggest doing some reaching out. It's so easy to pull the whole, "I'm not gonna hit people up, see who hits me up first so I can see who my real friends are" thing. I mean, I guess? How much of a friend are you for doing that? The behavior you want them to exhibit is really the very behavior you should try. I don't see why not. I implore anyone reading this to reach out to those you "care about". Now, I'm not saying you should do it to everyone because everyone really doesn't deserve all of the effort. Some people really don't know what to do when that stuff happens. Some people don't know how to be friends! The thing we learn as children gets lost over the years after let downs, heartbreaks, and ever-changing personalities take the wheel. It takes work, but you can get back to that child-like love for people. It's extremely rewarding and enables others to revisit that same, somewhat familiar, feeling. Just a suggestion.

My more personal relationships are really at a point that I can't even believe. I recently went bowling with my brothers; something we've never done before. We had a really great time and it was all because we reached out to each other. One of us was consistent in his efforts to set something up. The others also gave suggestions and were open and receptive. It's something that's so simple that we often make harder for ourselves. One of my sisters' birthdays just passed and this phone call was significantly different than last year. Last year, because of little effort, the conversation was dry, dull, and forced. It seemed like it was only done because it felt like an obligation. This year was different. There was love in the conversation. An actual want for her to have a great birthday; and she did. If I had called with the same attitude as last year, I could have very well ruined at least one of the hours in her special day. My love life is at a place that it's never been before. I can not express enough the importance of friendship in a relationship. I'm at such a good place right now. The essentials are there. Strong friendship, mutual respect, understanding, trust, independence, humor, intellect, attraction, transparency; I could really go on. Time will tell where this will lead but I couldn't be more optimistic! I truly appreciate where I am in my life right now and things continue to get better- I didn't even think it was possible.

MUSIC. Music Music Music. I love music. If I could suggest any anecdote, let music help you grow. Music has been such an essential piece to my process. It provides an escape from whatever situation you're going through. It also enables you to reflect on what you're going through, especially if the artist went trough something similar. Music can provide something like an out-of-body experience. It really can take you to new heights if you allow it to.

I really appreciate everything that's happening to me right now. I'm grateful for the people in my life. I'm grateful for the life I have. Two months have gone by and 2015 really is better than 2014 for the most part. I'm eager to see what will happen in the months to come. Thanks for reading and I hope I've been able to help someone feel better about their current situation.

Now Tell Me That Ain't Insecure

Grow up. Okay, I don't mean that in a bad way. Better yet, just grow, or Grohhh! Really though, growing should never stop. It's really easy to get settled in who you are as a person, what you do, and how you think about things. I'm not saying you have to do a complete 180 every January 1st, but don't stop looking for areas to grow in! Growth really doesn't stop, if it does, it defeats the purpose.

For my own personal reflection, I just think about the different areas that I have been growing, and I try to think of areas that are in need of more growth. When it comes to owning up to what I am responsible for, I feel that I'm growing. I've really been doing my best to look at my situations and evaluate how I could do things differently. I ask myself if I could be more open-minded. I think about my actions and the effects on those around me. I think about the effects on myself that aren't always so apparent. When it boils down to it, everything that happens to you, in part, is your own doing. I know there are outside forces at work and this person or that person had something to do with it, but YOU did too! You don't have to be too hard on yourself, which I've been told I do, but just be real. It's amazing the amount of growth you can accomplish with just being real with yourself and others. When you can see your place in matters, it can enable you to think about things clearly, and be a little more open-minded. It's a lot easier to tackle situations if you're already at terms about your part in it; that way, if someone brings up your stake, you won't feel as attacked because you already know your place in the matter. This really works for me because I know if someone tries to tell me the part I played in a situation, I go into defense mode and nothing gets solved. Honesty is the key! You can convince yourself anything. You can lie to yourself about something until the point that you believe it's the truth, then it's a wrap. Honesty helps a number of situations and people because they know what they're getting from you. Also, With honesty come security. Everyone has some insecurities, but I feel (and have seen) that honesty can help one come to terms with their insecurities, which in turn helps lessen them.

I don't know. Insecurities are something else. I mean, what a storm cloud they are. You can have everything "going for you" and still be so disappointed at whats going on in your life. Even the most talented folks have things they deal with. I know they're a part of life, but so is self-love and confidence. Acceptance. Peace. Reflection. All of that stuff. It's easy to be insecure about something about yourself if you don't love it. If your body type isn't "commercial" it doesn't mean your body isn't amazing. Just because you aren't the best at something doesn't mean you aren't someone's favorite performer. It's important to keep good people around you because they definitely help ease those stressors. It's also important to remember that you are good at whatever you're doing. Remember that you are beautiful enough, smart enough, athletic enough, artistic enough, competent enough, and whatever other things you may doubt.

I'm not the most confident person in the world but a little confidence goes a long way. Confidence is contagious. Honestly, if you are confident in yourself, what's to stop others from being confident in you too? A leader is confident that they can lead. They take that confidence and put it into action. They show people that they have the competence and ability to lead, and people follow- not necessarily as subordinates but rather as supporters. I love that. I love role players. Everyone isn't meant to lead and everyone isn't meant to follow. At the end of the day, confidence is key to so many things. Believe in yourself first so others can believe in you too. Just like you have to love yourself so others can love you. The same goes for respect, treatment, appreciation, and other key factors to a healthy quality of life and social life.

I'm just ranting I apologize. I just want to promote "self". I think it's time to be selfish a little bit. Lots of people over extend themselves for others while giving themselves the bare minimum-which can be dangerous. Please think about yourself. Think about how your situations will affect you in the long run. Love yourself. Treat yourself right. Your self-worth will encourage others to treat you accordingly.

I appreciate people reading my thoughts. I'm just trying to document what I'm going through that's surface level enough but still personal enough for it to be relatable.

Do you love you?

Humble, Young Man, Humble

It's crazy. This journey of mine happened to fall in line with the new year starting, which makes this look like a New Year's Resolution. This would be my first resolution set and I've been able to keep at it so far; granted it's only been a couple of weeks. What I can say from starting this blog & journey of mine is that I've put forth much effort to humble myself. When I say humble, I don't mean becoming a pushover or a "yes-man", but just being a better person. The results from this change are astounding. I mean, I've reached out to some good people and they've reached back. I've hung out with friends, had people over for New Year's, had meaningful conversations that came effortlessly; I love this.

Pride was my problem; well, one of them. I was too proud for too many things. I didn't want to lose an argument, give in, speak first, get criticized, learn from someone else, listen to learn (instead I just listened to react), and many other things. What was I doing? I was ruining my situations. Instead of fixing a problem right there in the moment, it lasted hours. Instead of salvaging an afternoon out, I incited more anger. This unhealthy practice is the reason my relationships just did not go well for me. I'm very fortunate to have had good, quality people placed in my life. It's like God was doing me favor after favor, sending me great, loving people that loved me more than anything. And by people, I mean friends, family, girlfriends, even teachers. As I look back, I've been so blessed. As I look closer, I see how I squandered some of those blessings.

The worst thing to do is to get in your own way. It's like I was the king of this. With some family members, I would literally find reasons not to reach out to them. It could be something they did to someone else, that has little to nothing to do with me; but it worked in my mind. I find my justification and I run all the way to the bank with it. I saw it was a problem when I was able to start saying that I had gone years without seeing some family members. The same thing with some friends. Now, I know that everyone won't be my best friend, but every person has a purpose in our lives. I was brushing off people right and left for no reason at all. Granted, everyone isn't meant to stick around, but I made my circle so small because my "pride" told me I didn't need them. My "pride" told me that they were friends with this person and I don't really mess with this person so I'll just cut them all off. What? It doesn't even make sense. I took grammar school thought processes to adulthood and it did nothing positive for me.

My intimate relationships got hit the hardest. I had girls who showed me so much love and appreciation. I can't even do it justice by attempting to explain how much they felt for me. I'm not saying it wasn't mutual, but my pride even got in the way of that! There would be times where I would turn off, emotionally, because my pride made me think that apologizing was a sign of weakness. I would do something wrong, find a way to make the cause of the issue be to the fault of the girlfriend, and then place blame and show apathy to the situation. This manipulative process was my safe zone. I know there lies a deeper issue and that's what my journey is about. Why do I cause pain, then place blame on the one that received the initial pain? It's like, I'm punishing you for being the one in pain. That wasn't right. I know that now. You don't do things like that to people you love. That isn't love. That isn't compassion. That isn't friendship on any level. When it comes to times like these, I need to take a step back and look at the situation. Am I the one in the wrong? Why does she feel like this? What part did I play in this? Has this happened before? How would I feel if this were done to me? In situations like this, exercising love breeds more love. Show compassion which leads to empathy which leads to care which leads to actions which leads right back to love. LOVE is the best thing out I promise! Love can mend the toughest of situations. Love can strengthen even the most fragile foundations. My pride was hurting the love I gave, which ended up hurting the love I received.

Humility speaks louder than Pride. Pride is just a large distraction, but it's really easy to drown out by even the smallest example of humility. This is what I want to be known for. This is how I want to be loved. This is how I want to love. This is how I WILL love. This is how I need to love. I need to give without expecting anything in return. This is listening without even looking like I'm judging. This is responding rather than reacting. As a man, it's easy to get caught up in pride. Men are supposed to do this and do that and take care of it all. Men are supposed to drive to the store when it's cold outside. Men are supposed to get out the car to go in to get the food. Men are supposed to be the shoulder to cry on. Men are supposed to carry the world on his shoulders and the groceries in his hand. There are many factors, both cultural and systematic, that enable this idea of being a "man" from childhood. I'm not saying men aren't supposed to be men, I'm just saying that pride comes from more than one source. I suppose I'm learning that it also takes a man to know how to take his responsibilities and expectations and find a balance for them. A man should be able to keep himself in check and not take all of these external factors for granted. It's amazing how much faith are put into men. It's up to a man to take the responsibilities with humility as Jesus did. I don't want to get religious or anything, but that's just the model I look to when I think of compassion and humility.

I really am thankful for the people in my life right now. Those who have left are gone for a reason, and those to come will arrive when necessary. I'll be patient.

Thanks for reading! I really appreciate it.