Everybody Eats B

What.is.on.my.mind?

I've been going to my meetings-though not as consistently as I had been in the earlier part of the year. One thing I can say, however, is that I truly learn something about myself every time I am there. I learn about my past, present, and future all in one hour. It sounds extreme, I know, but it's completely possible. When I'm there, I'm able to think about what I do, how I live, and who I affect. It also enables me to understand why I react to certain things the way I do, which provides clarity with every meeting.

In learning about myself in these past 4 and a half months, I'm loving what my life is becoming. I'm seeing myself for the person I truly am. Granted, I won't change every bad thing, but I'm able to accept me because I know I won't be perfect. I'm able to appreciate things about myself that, before, I may have seen as flaws or weaknesses. I'm also appreciating others more and more with their place in my life. That can be anyone. It can be someone on the street asking me for money; reminding me of the position I am in to have spare change while they search for it. It can be the parent who tells me that they are proud of me and my achievements; reminding me that some people don't have a foundation through their efforts. It could be friends; reminding me that not everyone can enjoy those around them. It could be a girlfriend; reminding me that I'm not all that bad after all. That she knows what I've done and been through and chooses to accept me for who I've been, all the while encouraging me to be a better person through growth and learning. I'm very thankful.

We must be thankful. Things could always be worse. Things could always be better. The thing to remember is that things are how they are. That's not to say that things can't change in either direction,  but you could miss the lesson in the present. Live with what's going on, the rest will fall into place; guaranteed. That's not to say that it will fall how you envision, but things will work out how they're intended to. We have to trust life. Trust is important. Trust is living. We have no idea what's going to happen in five minutes, let alone in five years. Why stress? We are human, so worrying will happen. Worry shouldn't consume us. If anything, worrying should encourage you to make the most of your current situation because it could directly affect the future.

To switch a focus, I think we all need people. Yes, need. People were created not to stand alone, but to gather with one another. We have families we belong to. We live in societies with many different people. One's actions can directly affect another's. Nothing is truly done alone. It's vital to have people in your life. That doesn't mean we need 20 friends in order to feel safe, though that's completely fine if that's the type of person you are. I'm just trying to drive home that we need somebody. I have my people. I have family, some friends, and a girlfriend. Each party receives a different part of me. It's up to me to decide who receives what and some may receive more than others; but this is important to me. I appreciate those who are in my life because they have shaped me to be the person I am today, in one way or another. I would never have been the man I am without these people; which is why I keep them in my life. Everyone isn't meant to stick around forever, but for the ones that are here, you have to appreciate what they do for your life. Everyone won't hold the same weight and that's okay; it isn't a competition. You've got to be able to Trust, Talk, and Feel.

In a perfect world, we would be able to trust everyone, be able to share everything with everyone, and know each feeling inside and out in order to control ourselves and our reactions. I don't seek that perfection to have all three areas in control; I just strive to be sound in them. Trust for me is such a task. My skeptic ways delve well within my grasp internally, but I know it's there. Trusting isn't easy for me. I keep so few people so I can keep track of what trust is out there. I don't think we're meant to trust many people anyways, but I make sure to keep my numbers low. I should be more trusting of others without running the risk of being naïve; I just haven't found that balance. This could save me from many negative situations, but it could also/has hurt me in other situations as well. Talking is another thing I've never been the best at. Well, that is, talking about what really matters. I can talk about almost anything for however long it takes to get a point across. It's talking about what's inside of me that's the issue. The vulnerability that comes with it just hasn't been an easy task for me; as it isn't with many people. I've been doing my best to work on this and I've been satisfied with the results. However, the results don't encourage me to take the proverbial plunge just yet. I still dab here and there, but there's something within me keeping me from going too far. I think I even shield myself from seeing my true feelings, so that prevents conversations from coming at the source. Feeling-the biggest one. I like to think I'm in touch with my feelings. Though I'm aware, that doesn't mean I'm in touch with them. You can see/acknowledge anything, but to understand and approach a problem takes a whole new method that I just don't fully possess. I often resort to old habits of shielding myself for my "betterment" when I actually hinder both my growth and the other person who is trying to help me grow. Hopefully, I can get better with this. It's so easy to do what I'm used to, it's easy to lose sight of what needs to be done. This could make me an emotionally healthier individual, positively impacting those around me. I think I often fear the negative, which is entirely possible, but could be easily as possible as the positive. I'm just a half-empty kind of guy.

All in all, life is good. Everything's Good. Everybody's Eating. Thanks for reading.

I Live the Life I Deserve

What are you doing with your life?

Really, I'm asking you this; whoever you are.

Whatever your answer, is it contributing to something worthwhile? Everything happens for a reason and it's up to us to find out what that reason is. We won't always know the answer, or even if there is an answer, but I feel it's always worth the attempt. Lately, I've been thinking about so many different things that all have to do with adult objectives: Career goals, marriage, housing, being 30, children, and retirement. Now, I'm only 23 and I know these aren't outlandish things to be thinking about at my age; especially when there are people my age and younger dealing with at least 3 of the things I listed. Yet and still, I find myself in some type of thought about these things each day. Everything I do is fueled with intent. I try to make sure there are no accidental steps in my path. Granted, there will be some unexpected turns, but you have to put your foot down in order to continue, and I make sure that step is as thought out as if it were all expected. I approach life with this mindset of being confident. Confidence positively affects so much it's unreal. With confidence, one can attempt to do more with themselves, appreciate themselves and their efforts, and even encourage others to make their own steps meaningful. This is the life I try to live! My confidence comes from my passion, and my passion comes from within.

When I think about what I want to do with my life, of course money comes to mind. I want to make sure I never have to really struggle or want for anything. Along with this thinking, I think about not wanting my future family to want for anything either; being as strong as a provider as I can be. I feel this thinking is so necessary in the present day because what I do now ultimately affects them-whoever they are. That means I have to make the right steps. I need to plan. I need to excel in my work. I need to get a Master's Degree, ASAP. I need to treat my current job as if it were the position I ultimately desire. I need to treat the world around me well because it will definitely return the favor. I'm a firm believer that all things are connected. I truly feel that I need to watch what I do because the effects could make all the difference in not only my life, but also those around me. I do what I need to do now and it doesn't feel like a hassle. It doesn't feel like a hassle because passion is driving my actions.

Passion is the piece. There's a huge difference between passion and ambition. I feel that there are a lot of ambitious people in our generation and that their driving factors may not be the most pure. Defined by Google, Passion is a strong and barely controllable emotion, while Ambition is a strong desire to do or to achieve something. I really look at these two definitions and I just know that ambition doesn't/shouldn't describe me. The most important words to me are "barely controllable emotion". Every fiber in your body is guiding your actions, thoughts, and intentions. You may have an end goal, but that doesn't mean you are looking to skip over the road in between. Passion likes the small stuff. Passion loves the path. That's not to say that it the path easy, but it definitely takes some of the tension off in my opinion. When that passion is driving you, the drive doesn't stop. That's why I feel passion is so important. It isn't about an achievement. It's about the it. What's your it? What gets you going? What makes you smile? What makes you stressed? What makes you think? What makes you want to make it better? What makes you appreciate the inner workings? What do you see the bigger picture of? What?

We all have a place in this world. Some people find their purpose sooner than others. Some people stumble into their passion after going through a lot for another end-goal. It's so hard to say when the thing you want to do is the thing you're really supposed to be doing. If you don't have your it yet, I implore you to do one thing: Do What You Love. It sounds corny, so I'll give a short explanation. Do what makes you happy. If you love the sciences, do something science related. If you love children, get into that field. If you love selling things, or making connections, and delivering a product- go into the business field. There's something out there for everyone; we just have to find it. For myself, I've always felt I was a business minded individual. I was set on this until I fell in love with health care. I knew I had to be involved in health care, I just knew it. Science wasn't for me, but that didn't mean I should just give up on the field all together. I found another way to my passion. I found a way to incorporate both business and health care by going into Health Administration. I'm headed to grad school for an MBA, and then after I'll look into Hospital Admin Fellowships/positions. This wasn't the way I envisioned it years ago, but I knew I needed to stay in health care; that's what I LOVE. I promise you, purpose provides pleasure. Once you live with purpose, life because so much sweeter the days go by and it's the best blur you've ever thought about. You see your actions affecting others and they appreciate you. You appreciate them. You appreciate you!

Be passionate

Two Months In...

After two months, I can say my life is completely different than what it was when I started this blog.

NO WHERE NEAR.

I love where my life is right now. I know how I got here, but I didn't plan it; that's the best part. Life really does happen. I'm not suggesting that we sit back and wait for it to happen, I'm just saying you should live life and trust the process. Acknowledge progress. Welcome change. Learn from what happens. Be patient, but also be proactive- you can do both.

My professional aspirations slowly come into fruition as each day passes, having taken on a new position within the hospital. My interpersonal relationships are better as I reach out to people and maintain strong friendships. I have meaningful interactions with my friends. Not being in school posed as a problem at first, but then I realized that it would just take more effort. It would take reaching out, meeting up, and showing love! It's amazing the amount of love you receive back. I strongly suggest doing some reaching out. It's so easy to pull the whole, "I'm not gonna hit people up, see who hits me up first so I can see who my real friends are" thing. I mean, I guess? How much of a friend are you for doing that? The behavior you want them to exhibit is really the very behavior you should try. I don't see why not. I implore anyone reading this to reach out to those you "care about". Now, I'm not saying you should do it to everyone because everyone really doesn't deserve all of the effort. Some people really don't know what to do when that stuff happens. Some people don't know how to be friends! The thing we learn as children gets lost over the years after let downs, heartbreaks, and ever-changing personalities take the wheel. It takes work, but you can get back to that child-like love for people. It's extremely rewarding and enables others to revisit that same, somewhat familiar, feeling. Just a suggestion.

My more personal relationships are really at a point that I can't even believe. I recently went bowling with my brothers; something we've never done before. We had a really great time and it was all because we reached out to each other. One of us was consistent in his efforts to set something up. The others also gave suggestions and were open and receptive. It's something that's so simple that we often make harder for ourselves. One of my sisters' birthdays just passed and this phone call was significantly different than last year. Last year, because of little effort, the conversation was dry, dull, and forced. It seemed like it was only done because it felt like an obligation. This year was different. There was love in the conversation. An actual want for her to have a great birthday; and she did. If I had called with the same attitude as last year, I could have very well ruined at least one of the hours in her special day. My love life is at a place that it's never been before. I can not express enough the importance of friendship in a relationship. I'm at such a good place right now. The essentials are there. Strong friendship, mutual respect, understanding, trust, independence, humor, intellect, attraction, transparency; I could really go on. Time will tell where this will lead but I couldn't be more optimistic! I truly appreciate where I am in my life right now and things continue to get better- I didn't even think it was possible.

MUSIC. Music Music Music. I love music. If I could suggest any anecdote, let music help you grow. Music has been such an essential piece to my process. It provides an escape from whatever situation you're going through. It also enables you to reflect on what you're going through, especially if the artist went trough something similar. Music can provide something like an out-of-body experience. It really can take you to new heights if you allow it to.

I really appreciate everything that's happening to me right now. I'm grateful for the people in my life. I'm grateful for the life I have. Two months have gone by and 2015 really is better than 2014 for the most part. I'm eager to see what will happen in the months to come. Thanks for reading and I hope I've been able to help someone feel better about their current situation.

Accept Love

This post is coming after lots of conversations, thoughts, and dreams. I'm trying to understand why I've done the things I've done, in regards to how I treat people, and I'm learning so much. I've got so much growing to do and I'm just getting started. One thing that is constantly weighing on my mind is love. This isn't just intimate love with another person, this is self-love, brotherly love, and just love in general. I'm learning that I have to give more love to those around me. I have to make the people who are important to me feel loved. Above all, I have to make sure I love myself. It sounds so cliche, but it's true. You treat others better once you treat yourself better. If I respect my thoughts, actions, and choices, I can accept others.

Accepting myself for who I am allows me to accept others. This is a simple concept that often gets overlooked because of its sheer simplicity. I'm learning things about myself that my pride kept me from seeing. I'm learning that every situation I've been in has two sides to it, however I have been quick to only look to the side I had no control over. Here's the thing, my problem was trying to control everything else when I wasn't entitled to do so, instead of controlling my own actions. I used excuse after excuse to defend my actions instead of acknowledging my flaws and moving forward from them.

This is something I am working to get a hold on. Life is going to happen. People are going to do whatever they want, and I had a hard time accepting that. If someone is going to lie, they'll do it. If someone is going to cheat, same thing. One thing I did learn, however, is people will do better if the person is worth it. It's like the "player" finding that one girl that makes him realize that sleeping around isn't worth anything. Like the one girl that was so used to attention from guys but then realizes that those guys don't matter; what matters is the one right in front of her. When someone finds the person that accepts them at their low, it enables them to want to be better for that person. It makes complete sense! You accept my flaws that I know are there. Why wouldn't I want to work on the flaws for the one person that already accepts me, so I can be better for them? They made me feel that nothing's wrong with me, but I inherently want to strive to be better for that person. Acceptance is the key to growth. If we care for someone, we need to accept them for who they are; not try to change them to who we want them to be.

The downside to changing someone is the "quick-fix effect". When this happens, the change is made right then and there. It seems to work for a period of time, but if the change isn't inherently wanted, it'll be rejected. What may follow is resentment, anger, distrust, and feeling controlled. Someone won't feel controlled if they want to make the change for themselves, but they will feel controlled if they just did it to satisfy the other party. This quick-fix does not help anyone in the long run. If a person is to change, then they have to believe the change is something they will want for themselves first, then for someone else. That is how a positive change can be made, which allows for all parties to benefit and the acts to be genuine.

All in all, Acceptance is one of the many keys to growth. Accepting myself for who I am, currently, will allow me to grow to be an even better person. The thing about acceptance is that you aren't a bad person for the way you are. There's nothing necessarily wrong with you. However, there are areas of growth that may need tending to, and it's up to you to put in the effort. Accept yourself, accept others. No one is anywhere near perfect, by "society's" standards. But, you can be the perfect you; if that makes sense.

Until Next Time,

The Backseat Driver